Once upon a crazy time called Childhood, I had expectations for growing up. I wanted to be an artist, or a nurse, or heck even a vet. My ideas changed over the years like most kids' do. The one thing that stayed consistent was my love of art. But over the years my dreams and aspirations have been jarred and forced to change. Because I'm not "normal."
Not many people really understand mental disorders. Even the people with them "just don't get it." I know I'm guilty of this. I have multiple disorders and issues and I don't understand the majority because I have yet to read up and try. Don't get me wrong, I do read and do my research. My most prevalent is currently being labeled as 'bipolar disorder.' I know something is wrong with me, but most doctors that know MKs, or think they do, chalk it up to MKs just being MKs. Emotional imbalance? You probably just experienced a lot of moving growing up. No big deal. Therapy can take care of your delusions of grandeur as well.
But here's the thing, I've been on meds, off meds, trying out "christian" doctors and therapies. That's all got its place, and I have nothing against it. But I'm ready for a change in my life. Something big. I'm ready to try. I'm ready to get out and live. So I'm taking the steps towards living. In this last year, because of medications, I gained way too much weight. Like overweight status. And I feel it. I've moped about it, and cried because it's just so unfair. Why did they put me on crap they knew would make me overweight? Why didn't they listen to me and my concerns about it in time to catch it?
Well, guess what. Life can be unfair. Sometimes doctors or NPs or just people in general don't listen to us. And now I get to live with the consequences of an NP making the wrong decision. I'm taking the steps to getting better. Not just clinically, but I'm determined to get to my goal weight by training my body and watching what I eat and drink.
I know, you're probably thinking, why does this matter? What does this have to do with anything? Well, I'm putting this out there because I have to make it public. I have to have accountability. And I know I'm not the only one struggling with this kind of thing. So if you're bold and want to share your story, this is the place. I'll be sharing my successes and failures along the way. I'll be blunt and honest about what's going on, and I encourage you to do the same.
I'm scared of failing. I am. I'm scared I won't change mentally or physically. I'm terrified that I'll be a homeless nomad forever, never "growing up" right. But here's me taking the first few steps towards that "grown up" life where I can hold down a job and do what I want in my life.
wish me luck and all that stuff
Not many people really understand mental disorders. Even the people with them "just don't get it." I know I'm guilty of this. I have multiple disorders and issues and I don't understand the majority because I have yet to read up and try. Don't get me wrong, I do read and do my research. My most prevalent is currently being labeled as 'bipolar disorder.' I know something is wrong with me, but most doctors that know MKs, or think they do, chalk it up to MKs just being MKs. Emotional imbalance? You probably just experienced a lot of moving growing up. No big deal. Therapy can take care of your delusions of grandeur as well.
But here's the thing, I've been on meds, off meds, trying out "christian" doctors and therapies. That's all got its place, and I have nothing against it. But I'm ready for a change in my life. Something big. I'm ready to try. I'm ready to get out and live. So I'm taking the steps towards living. In this last year, because of medications, I gained way too much weight. Like overweight status. And I feel it. I've moped about it, and cried because it's just so unfair. Why did they put me on crap they knew would make me overweight? Why didn't they listen to me and my concerns about it in time to catch it?
I know, you're probably thinking, why does this matter? What does this have to do with anything? Well, I'm putting this out there because I have to make it public. I have to have accountability. And I know I'm not the only one struggling with this kind of thing. So if you're bold and want to share your story, this is the place. I'll be sharing my successes and failures along the way. I'll be blunt and honest about what's going on, and I encourage you to do the same.
I'm scared of failing. I am. I'm scared I won't change mentally or physically. I'm terrified that I'll be a homeless nomad forever, never "growing up" right. But here's me taking the first few steps towards that "grown up" life where I can hold down a job and do what I want in my life.
wish me luck and all that stuff
Comments
Post a Comment